No, I Won’t Smile, But I’ll Show You My Teeth
A man told me to smile at work a couple of months ago. And I’m still trying to process it. And I clearly haven’t processed it, and it obviously is an issue, because I told my psychologist about it. Her reaction, incidentally, was “fuck, is that really still happening?”
A man, junior in rank, senior in age, rounded a corner, walked into me, and demanded I smile. I had an oh so familiar surge of adrenalin, that painful rush in your gut when you experience something that you know isn’t cool. (For context, this happens to me daily. It’s not always casual sexism, it’s not always a legitimate threat to my safety, but it happens daily.)
If you’re rolling your eyes right now, I get it. I do. There are many causes deserving of our attention. Sheikh Jarrah. The vaccine stroll-out. Enforcing a really simple “don’t contact the head” rule. Microaggressions are a death by a thousand cuts when you experience the disrespect, feel the inequality, and live this bullshit every. fucking. day…. It’s demeaning. It’s demoralising. It’s fucking insubordinate. No one tells Big Keith to smile. Big Keith cruises around with a cyanide face and no one stops him to demand a display of happiness through subjugation.
And like, why? Why do I have to smile? Are you invested in my happiness? Care about my mental health? Or are you a legit misogynist? Do you believe that women exist for the male gaze? Purely ornamental? You feel entitled to tell me what my facial expression should be? You don’t get to give orders up the chain, dude. That’s not how this works.
Ok, say it. “Men can’t say anything any more.” Tell me he didn’t mean it like that. How did he mean it then? What do you mean when you say to women “smile sweetheart, it might never happen?” You think if I already looked pissed off - it’s just my face - telling me to smile is going to change that in a positive way for you? Also, say whatever you want. Stop us wondering if you’re one of the dickheads. Show us who you are. Saying things is not the problem. Telling us to do things because people think they’re entitled to is the fucking problem.
I’m a bit disappointed in myself, I was busy, in a hurry, because, you know, work, and I just gave him my patented glare. I should have dealt with it in the moment. The way I would if I overheard it said to Kel, or OJ, or Kinks, Tay, Judy, Tea, or Shippy. I don’t need to ‘lighten up’ or ‘take a joke.’ You guys need to stop being so perennially disappointing.
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