We’ve never had it so good, uh huh, we’re out of the woods.

 

The car park at Katherine Woollies has signs at all the entries that say something like “no caravans permitted.” But every dry season, every day, there’s, and I don’t think I’m being rude here, entitled fuckers who park there anyway. Because it’s only one caravan, right? And they’ll only be like 5 minutes, right? (Hot tip – they fucking won’t be.) The entitled fuckers don’t think it’s a problem. It won’t matter, they’ll be quick. But locals deal with 10 of these entitled fuckers every day, for 90 days of the year. It’s fucking grating. 

This is what it’s like being a woman in an industry dominated by men. The effects of everyday misogyny, and overt sexism are cumulative. When men say things like “you’ll have to explain to your wives why their Tupperware has been thrown out when you leave your shit in the fridge,” and “sadly our mothers/spouses aren’t here to clean up after us,” and “I can’t wait to go to the Winellie on Friday arvo aha ha ha ha ha ha…” it’s not the first time we’ve heard it. It’s probably not the first time we’ve heard it that day. Bonus ‘death by a thousand cuts’ points when they act all wounded because we roll our eyes instead of laughing with them. If you want women to laugh, stop saying things that a. aren’t funny, and b. involve us laughing about women being shit and only good for one thing. This venn diagram is a circle. 

 

“You’ll have to explain to your wives why their Tupperware has been thrown out when you leave your shit in the fridge.” We’re all familiar with the nagging wife stereotype. Men bond over it every day. The suggestion being the path of least resistance is to take your Tupperware out of the fridge, so you can avoid an uncomfortable conversation with your wife. Not because, you know, it’s the right thing to do, but like, who wants to open themselves up to a shrill harpy banging on about Tupperware? Obviously only women care about ridiculous things like Tupperware. Real men aren’t interested in how to store food. 

 

This one is actually my favourite, because it was said in an email by one of the bro-stars of CharlieJuiletTango. Oh yeah, you read that right. In an email. To everyone. “Sadly, our mothers/spouses are not here to clean up after us.” I like the very obvious nod he made towards mollifying women by using ‘spouses’ instead of ‘wives.’  Slow clap, dude. Well done. Didn’t think to use ‘parents’ instead of mothers though, you’re not fooling anyone, we know you’re a misogynist through and through. The very clever implication here is that fathers don’t clean up after anyone, because that’s the mother’s job. I feel like I’m uniquely qualified here, given, you know, I have a mother, my friends are mothers, I am a mother, and it’s really this simple - it’s not my mother’s responsibility to clean up after me. It hasn’t been since about 1990. You go, Glenn Coco, get everyone onside with a message we can all get behind -  a mother’s job is to clean up after people. I can hear it now, “come on, that’s not what he meant.” What did he mean? I’d suggest the deliberate use of the word ‘spouse’ is quite solid evidence that he conveyed exactly what he meant. It’s just uncomfortable for you to admit it.

 

On to the Winellie. Anyone who’s anyone who’s been to Darwin (obviously ‘anyone’ in this context means straight white guys who wear high vis and replace every ‘ee’ sound in the Australian English lexicon with an ‘oi’ sound) has been to the Winellie on a Friday arvo. Because there are women there who serve you beer without tops on. I am, unequivocally, all for sex workers, dancers, topless bartenders, topless barbers, (though that seems a bit dangerous) pole athletes, the whole spectrum. What I am unequivocally against is sweaty men, at work, grinning lecherously at junior women while they tell us all about their plans for Friday arvo. Another thing I am unequivocally against is being told to leave a briefing so the men can talk about the live sex show they’ve planned for a work function. That hasn’t happened for years though, so you know, be grateful for that bit of progress, am I right? Men see nothing wrong with loudly and proudly owning their objectification of women. I see a whole lot wrong with it, particularly when they’re loud and proud misogynists in a hierarchal and structured organisation and they almost exclusively outrank all of the women. We have been cautious, hyper vigilant, and conscious of the things men who don’t respect women and girls say and do since we were children. When you show us who you are, we believe you. 

We won’t see gender equality until men start using their privilege to call each other out on their misogyny. So I’m going to take a new approach. Every time there’s a sexist remark made, I’m going to defer to the most influential man in the room. “What are your thoughts on that comment? Do you think that’s an appropriate way to speak about women?” It’ll be awkward, and I’ll be the uptight bitch who can’t take a joke, but I’ve had to justify my presence in these rooms for 17 years. People who say “nice shirt, do they make them for men” can start justifying why this is so fucking funny.