What I’ve Succumbed To Is Making Me Numb

Do men say sexist things because they think it’s funny to say it, or are they legit misogynists who view women as ornamental things that exist to satisfy their gaze? I know, I know, #notallmen are misogynists, but enough are complicit and refuse to call out mates who are. 

 

In a similar vein to the disappointment who demanded I smile for him, another stellar example of a basic bro stated it was preferable to deal with me than one of my colleagues because “Caitlin’s easy on the eye.” I’m also quite good at my job, and I’m aware that making that statement freaks men out because women are either competent or likable, but very rarely both, and by owning this I’m not conforming to gender norms which is threatening because shit, if not for the patriarchy, how many other women would think they’re better than us?  

 

I can’t figure out why he said what he said. Was he making a joke? I mean, that is a shit joke. It isn’t even funny. Is the humour supposed to be found in pointing out that he finds me more appealing to look at than my colleague, a man who has 20 years on me? And the expectation is that I laugh along, right? The expectation is that I participate in my own humiliation by agreeing. He’d rather deal with me because he thinks I look better. Not because I’m more competent. Fucking. Hilarious.

 

Was he trying to ingratiate himself with the other basic bros by insulting my colleague? That’s some toxic masculinity shit right there. It doesn’t only serve to keep women in our boxes, the basic bros can bond over slagging off the weaker bros. Throw some homophobia in there too, I mean, obviously a middle aged straight white guy has to loudly proclaim his straightness by demonstrating that he’d rather look at women than any other man.

 

Was he trying to establish rapport with me? Does he think the best way to build an effective working relationship with a peer, who is also a woman, is to make sure she knows he thinks she’s easy on the eye? Should I shut up and be grateful for the compliment? I’m not. I’m nauseous. 

  

I have a well cultivated reputation as an unwavering feminist, mentally tough and morally uncompromising. Wanna know what I felt when he said that I’m easy on the eye? Fucking gross. Objectified. Furious. Wanna know what I felt when everyone in the room laughed? Betrayed. But ultimately, not surprised. Do better.  

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